Gaslighting: how to spot the signs
In this article, we highlight how to recognise the signs that someone may be in an abusive relationship and experiencing gaslighting.
Gaslighting: how to spot the signs
In 2015, the Serious Crime Act 2015 introduced the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship. This marked an important shift in recognising that domestic abuse is not only physical — it can also be emotional, psychological, and increasingly, digital.
Coercive behaviour involves a person — a partner, ex-partner, or family member — acting in a way that makes someone feel controlled, dependent, isolated, or afraid. This can include monitoring daily activities, restricting independence, and manipulating reality. One of the most damaging forms of this behaviour is known as gaslighting.
What is ‘gaslighting’?
The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sanity by altering her environment and denying it.
Today, gaslighting describes a pattern of behaviour where an abuser deliberately distorts reality — lying, denying, or rewriting events — to make someone doubt their memory, perception, or judgement. Over time, this can erode a person’s confidence in their own thoughts and feelings.
Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships, and even workplaces.
What does gaslighting look like in 2026?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse centred on control. While the core behaviours remain the same, it now often includes digital and online elements, such as:
Denying messages, posts, or conversations that clearly happened
Editing or deleting digital evidence and claiming it never existed
Monitoring devices, social media, or location to reinforce control
Using AI-generated or manipulated content to confuse or discredit someone
Publicly portraying the victim as “unstable” or “overreacting” online
The person experiencing gaslighting may feel they can’t do anything right, leading them to blame themselves rather than recognising the abuse.
What to look out for
If you suspect someone may be experiencing gaslighting, consider whether:
Their freedom and independence (what they wear, eat, who they see) is restricted
They are being isolated from friends, family, or support networks
Their daily life is being excessively controlled or micro-managed
They are regularly told things that contradict their memory of events
They are made to feel “too sensitive”, “paranoid”, or “unstable”
Their feelings are dismissed, minimised, or mocked
The abuser denies events or rewrites what happened
They are frequently criticised, belittled, or called names
They apologise constantly, even when they’ve done nothing wrong
They seem increasingly unsure of themselves or fearful of making mistakes
The impact of gaslighting
Gaslighting often happens gradually, making it difficult to recognise. Over time, it can have serious and long-lasting effects, including:
Persistent self-doubt
Loss of confidence and self-esteem
Feeling disconnected from reality or identity
Difficulty making decisions or trusting judgement
Isolation and withdrawal from others
Anxiety, hypervigilance, and fear of “getting things wrong”
Feelings of worthlessness or shame
Depression and hopelessness
Many people describe feeling as though they are “losing themselves”.
The law and ongoing progress
The offence of controlling or coercive behaviour under the Serious Crime Act 2015 continues to play a key role in addressing non-physical abuse.
Since then, further developments — including the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 — have strengthened protections, recognising emotional abuse, coercive control, and post-separation abuse, including digital forms.
These laws make it clear that patterns of behaviour — not just isolated incidents — are taken seriously.
What to do if you or someone you know is being gaslighted
Recovering from gaslighting often begins with rebuilding trust in your own perceptions and experiences. Support from others can be essential.
If you are concerned:
Talk to someone you trust (friend, family member, colleague)
Keep a record of incidents if it is safe to do so
Seek advice from a professional support service
Remember: abuse is never your fault
If you think you or someone you know may be experiencing gaslighting or any form of abuse, it’s important to seek support as early as possible.
You can contact Herts Domestic Abuse Helpline for free, confidential advice and support. They can provide guidance, safety planning, and connect you with appropriate local services.
📞 08 088 088 088