Love bombing is a term that has gained traction in recent years becoming more prevalent with the rise of online dating and social media. Love bombers may use dating apps, social media platforms, or even in-person encounters to initiate the relationship. They may send an overwhelming number of messages or call repeatedly to show their interest. They may also lavish their partner with expensive gifts, extravagant dates, and romantic gestures.
It refers to a manipulative tactic where one-person showers another with excessive displays of affection, attention and gifts in a short period of time. The goal of love bombing is to create a sense of dependence and vulnerability in the other person, making them more likely to comply with the love bomber's desires.
The term "love bombing" was first used in the 1970s by a group of psychologists who studied the effects of cults on their members. Cult leaders were found to use love bombing to recruit new members by overwhelming them with attention and affection.
In a romantic context, love bombing can be difficult to recognize at first, as the attention and affection may feel flattering and exciting, the victim may start to believe that they have found the perfect partner who understands them completely. However, as the relationship progresses, the love bomber's behaviour may become increasingly controlling, demanding, and even abusive so it is important to be aware of the warning signs in order to avoid getting caught up in a potentially harmful relationship.
Some common signs of love bombing include:
· Over-the-top gestures of affection, such as constantly buying gifts or sending romantic messages
· Quick declarations of love and commitment, even before the relationship has had time to develop
· Intense focus on the other person's needs and desires, often at the expense of the love bomber's own well-being
· Pushing for exclusivity and trying to isolate the other person from friends and family
· Being overly controlling or possessive, such as constantly checking in or getting angry if the other person doesn't respond to messages right away
While love bombing may seem like a positive thing at first, it is often a tactic used by abusive or manipulative individuals to gain control over their partner. By overwhelming the other person with attention, affection and gifts, the love bomber can create a sense of dependency and make it difficult for the other person to leave the relationship.
if love bombing is part of a larger pattern of abusive behaviour, such as stalking, harassment, or emotional abuse, then it may be considered a criminal offence depending on the laws of the jurisdiction where it occurs. In 2023, in the UK, The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) updated its guidelines on what constitutes controlling and coercive behaviour to include 'love bombing. This decision to update guidelines has been praised as a positive step forward by both legal counsel and women's charities, and is one that will hopefully challenge the narrative that abusers are cruel or violent from the start.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is being love bombed, it is important to seek help and support. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, a therapist, or call HDAH for guidance and resources. Seeking help and support is crucial.